Learning to Breathe/Stumble

Life is something I feel people, myself included, take for granted. But life is so similar to the weather for me. No matter how many ways it is forecast, the meteorologist can still get it wrong. Like the weatherman I tend to base each day off of the conditions that previous days and months have been or what the current conditions look like, track the changes and make as best an assumption about it as I can. My results are mostly the same as my predictions from day to day but then there are those other times when God says that he wants to put a storm system in where I thought a sunny spot belonged and vice versa…just when I have gotten used to being in one kind of attitude.

All that said, I think I am in need of a bit of a shift. I don’t know into which direction my shift would or should come but I know it is necessary. I feel stifled like a closet overstuffed with too many of all the previous years’ fashions. The stuff is not necessarily bad; sometimes too much is just not good. It causes my focus to be dimmed and the ideal plans feel so far away. It’s like being in the closet of Narnia. I get so lost in the coats and clothes and things that it takes me too long to get to either path- to the reality of my situation or to my destiny.

I feel like a change is in the air. But like glue, the present has me bound to herself. Security is a fickle thing. Knowing I have a job with potential to impact children is an amazing feeling. That alone, however, is what is also frustrating.I am impacting someone else, and yet I feel so…I don’t know…type cast? Maybe frustrated is too strong a word, but it is all I can think of at the moment. My heart is not here and my brains have been hijacked by my opportunity seeking motives. Yes, change is needed. Being in such a volatile economic environment makes my bungee jumping, risk taking former self even pause to consider all my options. I find it is good to take caution, but caution makes me question. Questioning leads to self-doubt. Self-doubt to stagnation. right now I quietly curse my doubtful side but I am afraid to risk my certainty on the gamble before me. Help me

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