Single Mindedness

I haven’t been able to think of anything other than my ex. It’s crazy. I guess you really do “just know”. He and I are planning to meet during homecoming weekend. I want to go to Chicago on the James. I loved their calzones. He and I used to go there all the time. I remember how we used to walk around downtown hand in hand as we perused the shop windows. I remember the antiques shop and the pawn shop where we would walk in and just look at the grand plethora of another man’s treasure waiting to be found. My butterflies are coming back just at the memory of it all. I also want to go back to Peak’s View Park. That was one of the other places we would go as well.
I still recall how we first got together. We worked together on a cleaning crew about campus. A group of us were cleaning the classrooms…kinda. When we were done, we all congregated in one of the communicatons classrooms. IT is so clear in my memory like I am there now. We were talking about our favorite childhood TV shows like Power Rangers or something like that. Soon afterward, everyone left except me- playing on the computer- and him. I didn’t know why he was there until a few minutes later. He walked over to me and took me by the hand. That was it. HE didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything else. I just stared at the computer screen as if it held the answer to what I was supposed to do next. I got nothing. And we have been connected to each other ever since.And I have loved him the whole time. I know I have. My brains just decided to not work through a lot of it.
I really do love him. He always could make me laugh, has been one of the best things to ever happen to me and I know GOD put him in my life. I just hope it works forever this time; I hope I am able to deserve him again.
A few months ago, I told him about a song called “Circle” by Marques Houston (I think). It says “If you love something let it go, and if it comes back then this time you’ll know…”. Well I know now. It’s amazing how much clarity I have in this. Everything is so much clearer now. Please, God, don’t let me wake up to a nightmare called false hope or rejection…


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