Time and a Half

I know I work a lot. I have to in order to make things work out in order to prepare myself for being financially stable. I also know it’s stressful to not have any enjoyment to couple with all that work.

I know all of this; so why do people insist on stating the obvious? Shut up already because I know what I am doing. I know I am having to pay the price of enjoying life now…but that is because I want the quality of life to be so much better in the long run.

Don’t get me wrong. I do have days that I make sure I take time for myself. They just don’t happen as often as some think it should. And I have gotten better.
I found out some news last night that I am not sure what to do with. My ex-boyfriend was recently engaged until recently. I found out quite by accident but I don’t know the proper way to jump for joy about the news without looking like a total cow.

In the word of my big brother via text message in response to said feelings: “That boy is the love of your life”. And I believe it. Even when I read the news (thank you Facebook) I knew instantly that all my feelings for him would come rushing back in. I told him a few months ago while he was engaged how I felt because I had been holding it in for over 4 years. He, being the wonderful guy that he is said he appreciated my telling him but wouldn’t do anything about it because he was with her. I respected that and let it be.

Then about a month ago, he called me and was checking on me. It’s something that he and I do from time to time. That’s the kind of relationship he and I have always had. I was in a bit of a quandary with a guy I was dating at the time. I confided in my ex becauseI wanted to have insight about making a serious commitment to the other guy, who was a great guy and really did care for me. My ex told me that he could tell in my voice that the love I should be feeling just wasn’t there. I asked him how he know that his then-fiance was the one he wanted to marry. He told me that they got along great, were good friends, could make each other laugh, were very compatible…but no mention of love. That was what I expected him to have. They were getting married after all.

I don’t want to pounce on him so suddenly because I don’t want to seem like a spider webbing her prey. But I also don’t know how long is too long to wait. I know now what it means to love someone and want the best for them. I also know that I want his best  and for him to be a part of my life. I haven’t been able to think of much else today. I just wish I knew if I am reading too much into his not mentioning love for her.


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