Yeah this is coming from a female. A very confused female. Chalk it up to laziness or whatever. But here is a short (for now) list of things Women do that I am not sure I understand. Count this as my exercising my right of being opinionated.
1. Some women draw on their eyebrows. Yeah, what’s the reasoning? I mean it doesn’t always look bad, but what happens if you accidentally rub one off or smudge it and you forget to bring your pencil? That could make for a VERY long day at the office. And don’t let it happen at the club or something…hmmm…I’d hate to be on the losing end of that situation! I think the one I get the LEAST is Whoopi Goldberg. Or maybe she has Alopecia, which then is completely understandable. Draw away. My question is, how do you get it right every time? How many trial runs do you get? Do you YouTube a video tutorial or go to pickyourarch.com? Or maybe you have a certain expression you’re going for that day…excited: then the arch is very high, Ronald McDonald style. Maybe you’re feeling mad: go for the high pointed, very dramatic line that starts near the crease by your nasal bridge and ends somewhere near in your hairline. That’s….dramatic, to say the least. Yikes. But do you I guess.
2. Wear clothes that we KNOW are way too small and we look FATTER than we would if we actually wore our correct size. Plus you NEVER get complimented on them. First of all, the only time size will matter is if you make it matter. Do you walk up to everyone with your tags hanging out just so someone can see them? I didn’t think so. I used to work as a bridal sales consultant and this was an enigma to me! Women would demand to be put in a dress in a smaller size. All I’m saying is if I am paying that much for a garment, it better fit me so that I look good and that I don’t get embarrassed! Here is a rule of thumb: If the garment doesn’t lay right on your body, it’s probably not your size or made for your body type!. Any woman could look beautiful if she bothered to wear correct clothing sizes and took care of herself (undergarments as well ladies). I am sick of seeing muffin tops where there is no excuse for muffin topiness!! There are ways for you to look good in outfits. Why else do you think there are gorgeous plus sized models? Stop buying those tiny jeans that do nothing for you and pairing it with a belly shirt and leaving your fluff out to be seen and get weird tan lines and creases…it kinda strikes me as oh I don’t know, trashy? unkempt? unaware of your body? Pick one. But if it fits well, you have fewer chances of a wardrobe malfunction and THOSE are not easily forgotten!
Don’t forget the part that you don’t get complimented on these clothing options. Need I say more about this part? Let’s just not ever walk out the house in that again unless you’re headed to a gym and this is what inspires you to tone it up.
3. In keeping with inappropriately sized clothing, let’s get into inadequately fitting footwear when going out to places that require lots of walking, standing or gyrating. Yep, I said it. Bing Bing Bing! The club scene is full of women who do this. How do I know? Because I do it! I tend to forgo the club scene…not my thing, but we women put ourselves through the wringer when it comes to clothes and shoes. Funny how the guys don’t even CARE about how high our shoes are, as long as they don’t make us taller than them. Then again, maybe it is a “short, creepy guy” deterrent. I dunno. All’s I do know is that we suffer and are at the mercy of our footwear that we subject ourselves to. Then there are degrees of pain/unattractiveness based on shoe styles. Not all of these are necessarily uncomfortable, but need to be addressed any way.
*The Peeptoe: Great, cute little shoe….until you get the peep that is not comfortable for your toes. Those usually are the patent leather numbers that the opening constantly rubs your big toe until you get callouses. Yeah, not a good look in the AM.
*The Sexy Strappy Number: These are only inappropriately worn by females who insist on stuffing their feet into them to the point that the straps are squeaking and squalling for mercy. If you have strap lines on your feet, throw them bad boys out. No longer sexy and soon to be no longer strappy.
*The Fun Flip Flop: Stops being fun, at least for those of us who have to watch you wear them when your toes curl over the front or your heels are getting ashy from the sidewalk abuse you are putting them through. Just…stop. And don’t get them too large either, or you just look like Goofy.
*The 27″ Spike From Hell Heel: Yep, this is the one that gets us, huh ladies? The problem is, they come in so many fun colors, styles, price ranges…These snazzy sisters are the long haul physical abusers. They abuse you more if you shove your stumps in them KNOWING they are even a half size too small. (why do we do this to ourselves?!)
*The Wedge: these only really look bad and uncomfortable if your feet tend to swell. You honestly can’t really go wrong with having wedges in your closet unless they manage to break all the aforementioned rules or are just ugly…so you have to be trying pretty hard.
*The Is It A Boot, A Sneaker Or Something More? shoe: First of all, the hybrid shoe thing has to stop. And actually, I’ll stop there.
So, those are some general questions I have been scratching my head about in reference to shoes.
4. This is one that really makes even less sense than the eyebrow drawing…wearing excessive makeup and/or jewelry to the gym.Really? REALLY?! I’m kinda confused about why any sane female would WANT to do this…you get sweaty and gross! I don’t care how many guys noticed you; you look kinda dumb. Like pretty-deer-in-the-headlights dumb. And what’s the point in the jewelry? So you can mess around and get hung up on a barbell? And for my eyebrow drawing ladies, the gym is NOT your friend, unless you have some magical way of making your crayola wonders stay in place. I, for one, make my work out count and I get pretty sweaty…….oh. That’s how the makeup mavens do it! They don’t. I went to college with a girl that wore make up by the gallon down to the false lashes. And she was always at the gym! To this day, I have no idea what she looks like without it. It’ll probably be something I go to my grave never knowing. She was a knockout, but I don’t know if the make up made her that way or what. Either way, too much, darling. Too much.
Well these are just four of my irks. I am sure there will be more. There is definitely a list I am working on for the guys. Until then, do you! Whatever that entails…